Over the years I have had a lot of friends come and go and some even come back into my life. But as time has passed, I have realized what are the qualities that I need to have in a good friend and are good for my life. I recently had to really think about this because I was constantly giving my time to people who were not good friends to me and I didn’t even realize it when I was caught in the moment. Your friendships are so important to your life because you feel the energy they give off and you also tend to act like the people you surround yourself with, so it is really important to evaluate the quality of your friendships. These qualities are just a few things that I found to be the most important to have in a friendship and as I get older, I learn more about my relationships and myself each year.

1. Be Yourself: I have found myself in situations in the past where I wanted to be friends with certain people so bad that I started to forget who I was. I forgot that I was this nerdy, dorky, fun, crazy person and I felt that I have had to be this super cool girl that’s got it all together. When you forget these things, it can take a toll on your emotions and make you feel like you can’t be yourself. Be yourself also comes with being able to speak your mind. I had someone recently tell me that I have changed and the main thing that has changed about me in the past few years is that I don’t hold back anything that I have to say anymore. If you don’t like something, you don’t have to pretend like everything is ok and sit in silence. Surround yourself with the people that allow you to be your own true genuine self and still support you even when you speak your mind.

2. Loyalty: This quality is probably more important to me than it is to other people because I am full blown Libra which makes loyalty a top priority for me. But it is so important to have friends that you feel will always have your back 100% and support you fully. I have found many friends who I have thought they are my closest friends but they weren’t there for me when it mattered most or I would find that they would say or do things that were very hurtful behind my back. Don’t invest your time and heart into people that don’t have your back.

3. Friends who don’t always tell you what you want to hear: Something that has taken time for me to learn, but you have to find an appreciation for the friends that don’t tell you what you always want to hear. I have an amazing friend who calls me out on my BS and things we just don’t agree on and I’m so thankful for that because it has helped me grow as an individual and become a better friend to my other friends as well.

4. Understanding: This year has been quite a wild ride and I have made a lot of big changes with starting , moving buildings, getting a dog, a new full time job, and the list goes on and on… But as I add more to plate, I lose time to talk with my friends and make time for them, especially the longs distance friendships. But the friends that have been the most understanding and supportive of my situation have been the friends that I appreciate the most. I think it becomes difficult when social media makes it seem as if I have all this time on my hands and I’m making time for other friends but this is not the case. So the friends that are understanding and know that your heart is there for them 100% even though there is a lot of other craziness going on are the best of friends to surround yourself with.

5. Values align: Your values tend to change over time, but making sure that you surround yourself with people that have similar visions and values makes it much easier to see eye to eye and create better relationships with these people. Not every value and vision should be the same between good friends, but the most important ones should align. A friend and I recently realized that a mutual friend of ours did not share the same values in life as what we do. We used to think it was ok and we still liked her for who she was, but when they started to impact our lives and create toxic environments just being surrounded by her and what she values most, my friend and I decided it was time to take a step back and not surround ourselves with that energy.